F'in Perfect
by bobkitty1123
Summary: I can't stand perfect Tori Vega but it isn't like i can avoid her. She is like a parasite...a leech...she just latches on and never lets go. Yet I guess in some ways I like her...but if you tell anyone that Jade West said that, I will kill you...
1. Trying to Forget

**A/N - **This is my first Victorious fanfic...enjoy. R&R. And I **will** be continuing this.  
>Disclaimer: I own NOTHING.<p>

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><p>"So are you coming?" The text on my phone blinked at me in the darkness of my room. With the curtains drawn and my black walls, I really felt as if I was in a dark, endless void. I rather enjoyed the feeling...it was my simple escape.<p>

"Jade? Are you coming with us?" My phone blinked again, a small vibrate shook it across my desktop and I launched forward to keep it from tumbling off onto the floor. I glanced at the text from Tori.

She had been super nice and friendly lately, and at first I wondered what her shtick problem was. Then Beck dumped me. After that she was always buzzing around me like an annoying fly that I wanted to crush with my shoe, asking constantly if I wanted to go to the mall or the park or whatever lame place she had in mind.

Sometimes I really wished she wasn't so friendly all the damn time...why couldn't she be rotten and bitter and selfish? She was like one of those goddamn faultless Disney princesses with all the woodland creatures gathering around as she sung and danced. The only joy I got from that train of thought was when I imagined her being devoured by carnivorous bunnies and rabid squirrels.  
>I wanted her to spit at my feet and treat me like dirt but that wasn't Tori... Fucking perfect Tori Vega. I finally convinced myself that she felt guilty for what happened to Beck and me but I knew that wasn't it. It wasn't as if she stole my man. She just saw what was coming before I did.<p>

Now she wanted me to go Go-Karting with her and her lame dad. Apparently every Sunday was the day that Tori and her dad would go out and do something together. And I guess little old me was meant to be fucking grateful that I was even invited to go along. But I wasn't, of course...I mean it was Tori for Christ's sake.

Yet I still picked up my phone and typed. "Sure...but you have to come pick me up." My thumb hovered over the send button and I wasn't sure why I wrote that or why I was even questioning my next move. It was Tori Vega! The answer was simple...but the decision wasn't.

"Send." I murmured, pressing the button finally. It wasn't like I had anything else to do, right?

* * *

><p>A dull green car rumbled into my driveway. Oh god, why did I say I would go? I wondered if I just didn't answer the door if Tori would leave. But there were two things wrong with that idea. One, Tori wouldn't give up that easily and she would eventually annoy me out of the house, and two, I wasn't Tori or her deranged sister or anyone else in our small group. I was Jade West and I didn't run away from shit like everyone else. But then again I was a compulsive liar.<p>

So I put on my best scowl, smoothed down my black skinny jeans and answered the front door. "Ready?" The perky brunette chimed and I rolled my eyes as she rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet. Her short skirt swishes against her thighs. Why was she wearing a skirt Go-Karting? And why was I looking?

"As ready as I'll ever be, Vega. Let's get out of here before I change my mind." I grumble, ignoring the pained look on her face. It was one of irritableness...the same one she gave me with each and every comment I made. Yet this time that expression was softened. I could've knocked out the bitch's teeth but I only gritted mine, shouldered my bag and followed her to the car.

"Hello, Jade!" Her dad said from the driver's seat as I slid into the back with Tori. He gave me a warm smile, which was a rare sight for me. My father always gave me dirty look and drunken sneers. It was like entering an alternate reality. I had to swallow back the grin that threatened to spread across my lips and just made a distracted sound as I buckled my seatbelt. I saw in the rear view mirror that his eyes crinkled with a smile even though I hardly even acknowledged him.

I can't remember the last time I felt so uncomfortably awkward and out of place. It wouldn't be such a big deal but this me we're talking about! I don't give a shit-that right there is essentially Jade West's tagline. So why were my hands clammy?

I had decided to wear this silver moon pendent my grandma gave me a few years back. It was almost a whole circle with a small pointed break to make it just a simple, dramatized crescent. It was essentially a hoop on a string, posing as some rock in the sky. I fiddled with it as we sat, slipping it over my lip like it was a ring. The sharp edges pressed into my soft skin there, hurting and making that spot swell with continuous habit. It felt something like all the times I stumbled out of the janitor's closet with Beck, our lips sore, but this time my hair wasn't tousled and I wasn't out of breath.

The pain was brief and dull but it helped me to evade all the thoughts in my head. It was subtle enough to do in public and was almost as good as feeling the sharp steel against my wrist. Maybe I could finally stop that heinous act and let the scars heal. Then maybe one day I could wear a shirt without long sleeves or lose the gloves and bracelets that I used as a quick fix to a long-term problem.

"Hey, Jade, you're being real quiet. Are you okay?" Tori asked and I noticed that she was watching me...watching my lips as played with my pendant.  
>"Are you okay?" I mocked bitterly, crossing my arms and turning away.<br>"I don't talk like that!" Tori protested. I wanted to smirk. I loved getting a rise out of her. I loved taking a needle and prodding it into that pretty little soap bubble that was her life. Sadly I could never truly burst her bubble. It was like a fucking super bubble...damn.

"Well, whatever, Vega." I shot at her, sticking my tongue out at her. She just rolled her eyes at me and made an exasperated sound in the back of her throat. She mumbled something along the lines that Tori was her name but I wasn't hearing her. I had slid the moon over my lip again and I was drinking in the cool pain it brought.

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><p>I hate kids.<p>

They were constantly dripping with snot and whining about something. And don't get me started on how easily amused they generally were. Tori assured me with a large grin that we would have the track to ourselves since it _was _Sunday and the only kids who came on Sunday were the little ones who weren't big enough to ride anyway. Yet as Mr. Vega bought our tickets, I pulled the small pocketknife from my shoulder bag and started sawing at my hair with mild frustration.

What was it with me and sharp things?

"Jade, stop mutilating your hair and come on!" Tori grabbed my hand and dragged me from the counter I was leaning on. She weaved me through the crowds of small, screaming children. I faintly fantasized about tricking and crushing a few but I just left that to daydream. I tried to pull out of her grip but for such a priss, she was strangely strong.

Tori pressed through a door, leading me out into the cool sunshine. I looked around at the dinky, run-down track. Of course this would be the kind of place that Tori would hang out. I glanced at the ticket booth where a bored, awkward looking man was leaning out and smoking a cigarette. He flicked it aside, still burning, as we approached. Tori handed over the tickets and the man nodded. Suddenly I was being pulled towards the row of rusted and decrepit looking Go-Karts.

Tori had led me to a pink car, saying something about how I deserved this car. She was lucky that I was kind of in the mood now to drive because otherwise I might have hurt her…I did have a pocketknife. I scrambled in, buckling my seat belt and grumbling. I wasn't sure why I was compiling but I was and it was just weird.

"You know, Tori always takes the pink one. It's the newest so it runs the fastest. She must think highly of you." I almost jumped out of my skin. I turned to face her dad. I wasn't sure when he had come outside but damn that man was quiet until he was right up on you. He was smiling at me funny. It was odd that he almost seemed to take a liking to me…adults usually hated me but Tori's dad seemed friendly and rather warm just like his daughter.

And what did he mean by what he said…?

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><p><em>RING! RING! <em>

Oh god, please do not pick up. Don't pick up… If those were the thoughts in my head, why did I call? I really don't know. I realized that without Beck, I had no one else to talk to. Maybe I should have spent less time pushing people away and more time finding someone else in our little group in which to talk to.

The shouting in my head was becoming a headache as I contemplated slamming my phone shut. Behind me I heard Tori shout over the lawn-mower motor of her kart that I needed to stop making calls and race her some more. I smiled faintly at the idea of beating her again but my fingers were still latched to the infernal device.

"Hello?" The voice asked kindly. Their tone was chipper and kind, and that made my heart sink. If they were speaking civilly to me that meant that they didn't know whom they were talking to. That only meant that they deleted my number. And for some reason it hurt.

"Um…hey Beck." I choked out, my words sounding strained as if passing through a sheet of metal. My fingers flexed lightly but I swallowed back the urge to hang up. I was already speaking…no time to back out now.

"What do you want?" Beck said, his tone not necessarily angry but rather just annoyed. "If you are trying to win me-."

"Oh, shut up, Beck!" I snapped, gritting my teeth together. My fingers immediately went to the pendant around my neck, running my fingers over the points. I slid it over my lip, feeling the soft tear it caused. "I just wanted to ask a question."

"Shoot." He muttered, sounding bored. In the background I heard a female voice. I silently convinced myself that it was just the television but I knew the truth. It was just like the last time we broke up…er, I broke up with him. He found someone else already.

"How do you know you're in love?" I blurted and I heard Beck's surprised gasp. I could almost hear the blankness on his face. It was the oddest thing I could have asked him but I just wasn't sure. In fact, I didn't even know if that was the question I even wanted the answer to.

"Well, when you'll do anything for that person." I let his words sink in and I knew what he meant. I bit my lip absently, trying to ignore the bite of his words. But he had every right to hate me…because I don't I loved him. Sure I did things for him sometimes but that was only when he left me. I think I was afraid of being alone. But I was more afraid of my feelings.

I clicked the phone shut without another word, feeling worse than when I had originally called his number. Why had I called him of all people? Right, I was a friendless loser…well, I guess I had Vega but I wasn't going to her for advice.

I shoved the phone back in my pocket as I watched the brunette fly past, her long hair whipping wildly. As I hopped into my own kart I wondered if my hair looked so crazy when I rode but I didn't really put much thought to it…I was already off again after the other girl.

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><p>"I can't believe he just ditched us!" Tori was yelling as we stood in the parking lot. Her dad had snuck off to use the bathroom but never returned. We waited but eventually gave in and went to look for him. We went to check the car, only to find it gone.<p>

"Great Tori…your old man is just as much of a flake as you are." I crossed my arms across my chest. This was somehow her fault! But at the same time I felt guilty internally blaming her. I wouldn't look into it too much.

"Do you have to keep being so negative? Maybe he just went to the store or something…?" She was trying to explain away her father's actions but her voice just trailed off and her face pulled into a thoughtful scowl. She grabbed at her phone and started pressing buttons wildly.

"Face it, Vega…he ditched us!" I cried, making a dramatic gesture and drawing a few eyes. I didn't mind. I am an actress, you know. Yet at that moment I caught the look on Tori's face and feel silent. "Come on," I said softer than I usually would. Tori looked up at me with confusion and hope written on her face. "We can try calling my mom."

The screen was blank.

I started pressing buttons madly. It was dead.

"FUCK!" I shouted, throwing it at the ground where it split in half. "Do you even know where we are exactly? Can you even get us home?" I growled, glaring up at Tori through my hair. Her face was pale as she bent to pick up the broken pieces that had been my phone. She didn't respond to my question as if she was afraid that I would throw her as well. I just might.

"Try my phone." She said, tentatively as she tossed the pieces she picked up in the trashcan nearby. She held out her small Pear phone. "Don't break it." She warned as I started pressing buttons. I had no bars…no service.

"No goddamn bars! Why the hell does this shit keep happening to me?" I shouted, almost dropping Tori's phone and I saw her gasp. I thrusted her phone back into her hands and started stomping into the building. She tore after me, saying something but I didn't hear her over my rampant swearing.

"You know this happened to me too." Tori ventured as I pushed a little kid out of the way and stomped back out to the Go-Kart track. I noticed the attendant was gone but so were the Go-Karts. I was planning to take the phone from Tori again and try to get service out here. I had gotten some earlier when I called Beck.

"Yeah but this is all your fault!" I snapped angrily, forgetting my plan to try for service outside.

"My fault?" She paused with a stunned expression on her face. "How is this my fault?"

"Because you can't just leave well enough alone!" I screamed. "You never just leave people on their own…you just get into everyone's business and fuck everything up! I mean, god, can't you just go away? Instead of letting me spend a nice afternoon at home, you annoy me into going out with you and your lame dad! And now we're stranded!"

Tori looked outraged, her face burning red as she glared at me. "F-FUCK YOU, J-JADE!" She stammered, tears leaking onto her face as it turned cherry red. Then she spun on her heel and stomped off. "And to think, I was just trying to help out someone I cared about!"

I never heard Tori Vega swear before. I hadn't seen her that angry before. I felt guilt almost instantly. I frowned after her. And she had said that she cared about me. I had thought she hated me. I guess I was wrong…I was always wrong.

I slumped to the ground and pressed my fists into my eyes, trying to block out all the anger and sadness and the rare guilt that kept bubbling up. I almost felt sick. And I hadn't even registered that I had done it until I pulled up from being doubled over to grimace at the vomit all over the ground. God, what was wrong with me?

So much…


	2. Happy Birthday

**A/N** - This was so much later than I had intended. Sorry if it isn't as good as the last chapter. Still please read & review! :)  
>Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious.<p>

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><p>I, Jade West, think Tori Vega is beautiful.<p>

Yes, I'll admit it. Like I said before, Jade West does _not_ runaway from things—I am not some wuss. But maybe that was a lie…

At that moment I was watching the brunette from the greasy, darkened window of the arcade. A little boy was tugging on my pant leg and I kicked him away from me. From where I stood was all noise and confusion but she seemed so still and frozen where she sat on the curb. Her face was pressed into her hands. I wanted to go and pry her fingers from her face and replace them with my lips…

Oh god…what was happening to me?

As I moved through the stuffy room and pressed through the door out into the parking lot, I was just telling myself that these were default emotions. I had been on an emotional rollercoaster with Beck and now that the ride was finally over, I was latching onto the first person that showed me any kind of appreciation. Right?

I crossed the parking lot, narrowly getting squashed by a passing motorcycle. I shouted a few obscenities at him before I realized I was standing next to the crouched brunette. I plopped down next to her. I didn't know what to do now that I was out there.

"Tori?" I asked but there was no response. I tried poking her, making animal noises and clapping right next to her ear. She was wholly and effectively tuning me out. It was getting irritating at this point but I knew I could a response out of her.

"Uh…can I cut your hair?" I asked softly, making the sound of scissors with my teeth. And Tori jumped up, clutching her hair and eyeing me nervously. Her expression turned sour when she realized that I wasn't serious. Of course I didn't want to touch her hair…it was fine the way it was and I wouldn't want her to change her hair.

"Dammit, Jade." Tori mumbled, running a hand through her hair and sighing. It bothered her that I had succeeded in getting her to look up at me. "What do _you_ want?"

"To cut your hair! Didn't you hear me?" I asked, leaning back and closing my eyes. When I opened them again I caught Tori glaring at me. She didn't believe me. What was I going to tell her now? "I'm sorry." I said finally, the words tumbling out in a jumble.

"What did you say?" Tori feigned confusion but I saw the smirk pulling at the corners of her mouth. I felt a flash of anger at her…she just wanted to see me squirm. She couldn't just accept my apology.  
>"I just said that I was sorry for what I said, okay?" I muttered, trying not to roll my eyes or swear at the brunette. She was infuriating.<p>

"Is this Jade West apologizing?" Tori said, her voice thick with sarcasm and slight bitterness. "What have I done to be worry of an apology from the great Jade-."

"Tori." I hissed, warning her. This wasn't cool. I may act like a bitch most of the time but that didn't mean that she could be a bitch to me. Okay…I might be something of a hypocrite. Get over it.

Tori just kept talking. "I am not worthy." She smirked, laughing through her gritted teeth. She was really trying hard not to laugh but that didn't mean shit. I still reached out and smacked her across the face. Fuck her…I didn't need this.

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><p>I took off from there, heading down the street with my boots pounding on the pavement. I was fuming now. I fucking apologize to the girl and she just pushes my apology aside like it was some joke. Just because I pushed her away usually didn't mean that I couldn't be serious or say sorry when I go too far. That is why I hate people.<p>

They are irrational and inconsiderate…and they are just like me.

I kicked an old can, watching it skitter across the pavement and falling down into the storm drain. Why did I walk off? I had no damn clue where I was. I didn't know if I was going home or towards a totally different town. A knot was twisted tightly in my gut.

"Jade!" I turned and saw Tori running towards me. "Wait up."

I turned and kept walking, picking up my pace. She was like a rubber band. You can keep stretching it but until it broke, there was the chance that it would snap back at you. And it would hurt. I heard her footsteps peter out and I could only imagine that she was standing somewhere behind me, having given up my pursuit.

"Happy Birthday!" She shouted as if that would stop me. Sadly, it did. I turned on my heel, a sneer crossing my face. I couldn't believe her.

"Who told you it was my birthday?" I snapped, walking towards her while scrutinizing her face. "And why do you think that I would even want to be wished a happy birthday?" Repeating the word 'birthday' again and again brought a small muscle spasm under my left eye. I ignored it.

"I remember you telling Beck a few months back." She stated slowly, as if wondering if I was going to slap her again. I didn't.

"And you remembered? Why?" I asked.

She was avoiding my eye now. Her gaze drifted over the ground and skimmed my feet before rounding around to look at a tree over my shoulder. I wanted to grab her and force her to look at me fully. I was tired off all this dancing about, avoiding the true issues. But I wasn't going to be the first one to address them.

"I just try to remember things about my friends." She said slowly as if testing the waters. Why couldn't she just plunge straight in? This was causing my hair to fall out. It was all just being dragged out needlessly.

"Tori, I think we both know there is more here between us than just friends." I said bluntly, trying hard to look disinterested. It was time to stop beating around the bush and put it out there.

And I couldn't fathom the meaning of Tori's expression as she just walked past me. She looked sad and angry and indifferent all at one and then she just took off. I spun around and grabbed her wrist, holding her back. "Where are you going?"

We didn't talk again for about a mile of walking. Tori finally got us pointed in the right direction and we set off. She walked ahead of me, her shoulders rigid and her hands fumbling with her hair and her shirt and her other hand constantly. She was nervous and she had every right to be I guess. It still irritated me.

"Why are you running away from your problems Tori?" I asked suddenly and she stopped walking. I had been so close behind I bumped into her and I felt her tense up.

"Why do you?" She asked snippily.

I said it a million times before and thus I have no reason to repeat it…but I don't run away from shit. I face everything that comes my way head on and with a strong attitude.

"I don't. Didn't I just turn and face a problem back there?" I snapped, throwing my arms in the air. "When the hell did that not count as facing something?"

"Since I don't get what the fuck is up with you!" She shouted.

"What do you mean?"

"One minute you are nice…the second you are mean!" She spun around, clutching her fingers in her hair and grimacing. "Why do I always fall for the most complicated people I can find?" She sputtered, kicking a small rock away from her.

I stopped to swallow her words. Wait…she liked me? I wasn't even sure if I liked her. I wasn't sure, right? I was so confused. I felt my chest constrict but was that with resentment or joy? "B-beck wasn't that c-complicated." I stammered.

"You act so smart but you really don't see what is right in front of you."

I wasn't sure who initiated the kiss or who was kissing whom but next thing I knew, we were pressed together, over lips locked together. I felt her body pressed against mine and I pressed my fingers into her lower back, bringing her closer. This burning desire was suddenly rearing its ugly head as she entangled her fingers in my hair.

_HONK! HONK! _

We shot apart as a car shot past us. We caught a glimpse of a few boys sticking their heads out the window. The worst thing was that I thought I saw a familiar face among them… That being said, everyone at Hollywood Arts would know I was kissing a girl whom I was unsure as to how I felt about her on the side of the road. Great…

We stood awkwardly for a few moments before Tori looked up, her eyes widening. A familiar car pulled up next to us, beeping the horn lightly. "Get in, girls." He said with a smile. I grimaced at Tori's dad as we climbed in the car. I was grateful that he hadn't caught us kissing.

"Where did you go?" Tori asked, angrily.

"Mom called…she wanted me to pick up groceries." He replied, pointing to some bags on the passenger seat.

"You could have told us." Tori snapped, rolling her eyes. Her dad didn't respond.

I just sat there in silence, not sure what to think.

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><p>Silence ensued…at least between us; the radio was softly playing in the background, just barely audible. It was some crappy pop song that was overplayed and over synthesized. I ignored it though. My mind was everywhere but as I gritted my teeth and stole a glance at the beautiful brunette next to me.<p>

At that exact moment, she tried to sneak a glance at me and we met eyes. Neither of us dared to break the stare but both wanted to. We both started fidgeting. My eye started to slightly twitch. Finally we both broke away at the same time with some silent agreement.

"I, um, have something to give you." Tori said, pulling something out of her pocket and handing me a crumbled piece of paper.

I unfolded it slowly. It was a birthday card. She had probably crumpled it when we fought. As I opened it a familiar song filled the car and I tried not to smile. It was Victoria's song, Freak the Freak Out:

_Are you listening, hear me talk hear me sing  
><em>_Open up the door, is it less is it more  
><em>_When you tell me to beware, are you here are you there?  
><em>_Is it something I should know, easy come easy go  
><em>_Out of your head, don't hear a word I said  
><em>_I can't communicate when you wait, don't we're relate  
><em>_I try to talk to you, but you never even knew  
><em>_So what's it going to be, tell me, can you hear me?  
><em>_I'm so sick of it, your attention deficit  
><em>_Never listen, you never listen  
><em>_I'm so sick of it so I'll throw another fit  
><em>_Never listen, you never listen.  
><em>_I scream your name  
><em>_It always stays the same  
><em>_I scream and shout  
><em>_So what I'm going to do now is  
><em>_Freak the Freak Out_

I nodded bluntly at her without a word and she looked away, a strained look on her face. I smiled then, brightly and pressed the card to my cheek, letting the song finish before stuffing it into my pocket. It was the sweetest. That damn brunette was full of surprises.

"Hey, why did you get upset when I wished you a happy birthday?" She asked and it was my turn to tense up.

"No reason." I mumbled, hastily, turning away so that she didn't see me wipe the tears from my eyes with a hand.

I hated questions…


	3. Useless Apologies

**A/N - **Next chapter! Woot! Sorry it took so long, guys. The weather is getting nicer now and I am spending less and less time at my computer. R&R please! :)  
>Disclaimer: I own nothing! D:<p>

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><p>My birthday was the day I dreaded the most.<p>

For years I almost forgot my birthday myself. Neither of my parents paid me much heed then. That wasn't until about three years ago...

My dad came home, drunk as hell and started railing into me, yelling and shouting. Then he started hitting me with fists and feet and even his beer bottle. I couldn't go out of the house for at least a week. After that he made it a tradition. He wasn't home this year though. He was off god knows where, probably gambling, drinking or banging some stupid bleach blond named Candy or Roxie.

He used to be respectable though. He had a great job and wore suits all the time. Even so he had always been dismissive...abuse, though? That was rather new. It was about three years ago when my mom left and my dad lost his job. He fell hard on alcohol...it was all downhill from there.

But I would never tell anyone. I didn't tell anyone anything in fact it seemed. Too many of my scars were covered in makeup or clothing and so many more were under my skin, festering and hurting.

"Come on, girls. I bet you're hungry." Tori's dad said, pulling into a diner parking lot and ushering us inside. Tori sat down next to her dad, her eyes fixed on the table as if afraid to look up.

Even after what happened, Tori and I still weren't on the best terms. A simple apology did not change the fact that:  
>1. We were both straight. <em>(I think.)<em>  
>2. I was still a bitch. <em>(She liked me even so.)<em>  
>3. We were still unsure of our feelings. <em>(Or at least I was.)<em>

I couldn't even focus on my salad. I just stabbed at it with my fork, a small frown on my face. I caught Tori watching me out of the corner of her but she said nothing. Her father noticed nothing though...he was humming blissfully as he stirred his soup.

"I'm going to run to the bathroom." Tori suddenly announced, scooting out of the booth and disappearing. I didn't respond or look up but I finally did and caught Mr. Vega intently watching me.

"Do you like my daughter?" His words hung uncomfortably in the air; presumably being held up by the awkward that you just cut with a knife.

"W-what?" I sputtered.

"Because I know that she rather favors you." He said and I shot his a weird look. Who said favor? "And I want her to be happy and I'm sure you could make her happy."

"Wait, so you don't care if your daughter is a lesbian?" I almost shuttered when I uttered the word. I guess I was one but I still didn't pick a title yet.

"No, I mean it's love. And she can love who she wants." His eyes faded away again, replaced by the strangely happy look he had been wearing all day. Tori was returning. "Just make a move," He hissed.

Then he stood. "Excuse me but I must find a restroom." And then it was just me and Tori.

* * *

><p>Her dad left us again. This time we had the car still... Just not him. I told myself to keep my cool... No more outbursts. I was not going to mess up like last time. And I knew <em>why<em> he was gone this time.

The butterflies in my chest thumped painfully, trying to escape. I wanted to say something but if I opened my mouth it felt as if the butterflies would fly out. "Are you okay, Jade?"

I nodded brusquely. We were standing in the parking lot. Tori was standing near the car, looking annoyed. I leaned against the car, my arms crossed as if I was upset but my expression was scared and vulnerable. I gritted my teeth. "Just a bit queasy," I forced out and I saw from Tori's expression that she didn't believe me.

"Jade, we need to talk." Tori said finally, sticking her hands in her pockets and kicking at some loose pavement with her feet.

"Tori Vega is now going to bore us with her insights into love because she totally knows everything about it." I said bitterly while mocking her. Then my stomach plunged. I did it again! It was as if my brain was trying to sabotage me. I had said the words without a thought and I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to see Tori's face as she told me off.

"I never said anything about _love_". I opened my eyes to catch her smirking at me. She completely ignored my outburst as if she knew I hadn't really meant it.

"Well, you said that you _fell_ for me."

"Yeah but that doesn't necessarily constitute love!" She replied a little to quickly and I felt myself smirk. "And I'm not so sure I like you anymore..." Her voice trailed off pitifully. She was trying to convince herself of something I knew wasn't true. She still liked me... I saw it in her eyes.

I was tired of this game of cat and mouse we constantly played. I wanted to just give up and let her win. But she was making it hard for me to figure out why I would do that for her. I felt tears prickling my eyes as I thought about all our fighting from the day... I hadn't even realized I was going it until the blood started running down my hands.

Up until that moment, Tori was staring off in the distance as if watching something and apparently I had been pressing my thumb into the sharp point of my necklace. I welcomed the burst of pain that accompanied it.

"Jade!" Tori gasped suddenly, rushing forward and slapping the pendent from my fingers. She gripped my fingers, looking at the blood. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing...just leave me the fuck alone." I pushed her away hastily but she grabbed my wrists suddenly. She pushed me up against the side of the car. Her lips were suddenly on mine. I tried to pull away but she was intoxicating. I felt her tongue run across my lower lip and my breath caught in my throat. I moaned pathetically as she released my hands and brought her hands up to grip a handful of my hair.

Finally I was able to push her away. She stared blankly at me...she was so stupid. One stupid kiss wasn't going to make everything alright. "Jade...what is your problem?" Tori scoffed, her expression incredulous.

"You!" I snapped, pushing past her and walking towards the road. I was tired of this shit. It was almost as if she was playing me. What if this was just some game...revenge for all the times that I hurt her? Tori wasn't that kind of a person, right?

Yeah, well, I was so sure anymore.

* * *

><p>I got home late.<p>

After I left the diner, I found a pay phone at a gas station. I called Robbie and convinced him to give me a ride. I groaned because he was helping me out of fear, not kindness. It was a silent ride home except for the few questions he had asked when he had first arrived that I had obviously ignored.

"Thanks." I muttered, scrambling out of the vehicle and looking at my house, wearily. The lights upstairs were turned on. My dad was home...

I opened the door slowly and dragged my feet as I moved upstairs. I heard the t.v blaring as I slunk into my room. I didn't plan on going to say hello. I planned to just sneak into the bed and sleep away the tiredness of my day. But I knocked over a water bottle on my dresser and in my scramble to stop the water, I hit a container of pens and they clattered noisily.

"Jade?" The voice startled me and I turned to face some one I didn't even know.

The woman had blond hair and bluish eyes. She smiled at me but it was weak as if she was expecting me to yell or something. I didn't even know her. She was probably just another skank my dad brought home. Her face fell when she realized that I had no clue who she was.

"Do you remember me, ladybug?" She asked and it hit me. It was my mom...

She looked seven years older than the last time I saw her. Wrinkles stood out at the corners of her eyes and she had developed freckles. Her hair was long now and stringy with a few stray hairs. At some point she had dyed her hair from the dark brown I shared with her this hideous color. It was strange to see her now.

"Mom?" I asked, my tone incredulous as she stepped further in the room. We embraced for a moment before she leaned back to get a good look at me.

One part of me was happy to see her but another part was angry. She had just left! No warning, no explanation...she couldn't just come back and expect me to be glad. I wanted to hit her and scream and yell but another part of me had more urgent matters in mind.

"Where's dad?" I asked, trying to keep the fear out of my voice at his mention—if he knew she was here, he would kill her and then me. Mom gave me a sad look as if she knew what I had been through the past few years. She had no idea.

"Out. I'm not sure where but we should hurry." She ran out of the room and came back with a bag. I looked at her confused. "I didn't want to pack your bag for you...I know how you are about your privacy."

"Why do I have to pack my bag?" a sense of dread filled me

"Because I'm taking you to live with me." She smiled like it was a great thing…stupid bitch

"No!" I replied, pushing past her and leaving the house. Anger boiled in my chest, burning painfully.


	4. Mutilation

**A/N - **Sorry that this wasn't up earlier. Enjoy!

Please R&R! And thanks to those who already have! And a special shout-out to my buddy, **ZenNoMai** ! Thanks for always reviewing and actually inspiring this story with your own amazing one! Anyone who like's this story should check out Zen's!

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious.

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><p>I sat on the curb, looking down at the phone in my hands. It wasn't mine of course…mine was in a trashcan somewhere. This one was my dad's personal cell phone. He never carried it in case I tried to contact him. I had called Robbie again, asking him…begging him to come and get me.<p>

I know that sounds pathetic…and at this point it is. I mean, I always say that I don't run away from my problems but people seem to forget that I always say I lie as well.

I just felt alone and I needed someone who would care…and the only people who came to mind were my mom, Beck and Tori…and I wasn't even so sure about Beck. I really, really fucked up. I pushed away every person who had meant anything to me because I was too damn scared. I pressed the necklace into the small tear in my thumb, causing more blood to well up as a beat-up truck pulled up.

"Jade, get in." I looked up at Robbie as he leaned over the passenger seat and had pushed the door open for me. I nodded and hauled myself up in the car. "What happened to your hand?" He asked as he buckled me in. I wanted to chastise him for buckling my seat belt but I didn't have the heart to say anything. Plus I knew it made him uncomfortable that I never wore my seatbelt.

"Nothing. And thanks." I mumbled, looking out the window. I could feel him watching me. God, it felt like a bug under a magnifying glass.

"What's the matter, Jade?" He asked. LOTS! But I didn't say that, I just didn't say anything. I didn't want to whine about all my shitty problems that I FUCKING caused my self!

"Don't worry about it, Shapiro." I replied bluntly, fiddling with the radio causing the sound of static to fill the car.

He finally gave in and pulled away from the curb. Silence filled the car. I glanced down at the phone as it vibrated. It was the home number meaning that my dad was home now or my mother was calling. I wasn't sure she knew who she was calling but I still didn't pick up. I silence the phone and looked away. I wasn't talking to her right now…

I heard Robbie clear his throat and click the radio to silent. I didn't respond. I was too busy watching a young couple walking down the street, holding hands. They turned and for a moment I thought it was too girls but after a second I realized it was just a boy with long-ish hair. I had wanted it to be two girls just so I could be comforted that it could be all right.

"I know about the cutting, Jade." I jumped and turned to face the boy but his eyes were fixed straight ahead…I knew it was because he was driving but I had a feeling that even if he weren't, he still wouldn't have met my eye.

"Did you ever?" I choked out, my voice sounding small in the vastness of the vehicle.  
>He pulled over to the side of the road, his eyes fixed on his hands. "No." He said finally and I knew that it was the truth. "My brother did it though."<p>

'I didn't know you had a brother." I replied. I didn't know much about Robbie except for the fact that he was Jewish, had a truck, and had Rex. I suddenly where Rex was…Robbie didn't have him yesterday when he picked Jade up from the gas station and he was no where in sight now.

"He died…cut himself too deeply one night. He didn't take care of it and he got an infection. He hid it and it just got worse. And by the time we caught it, it was too late." He said, his voice strangely calm for the subject matter. There were things about that boy that I knew I'd probably never know but be surprised if I did.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be…he was an idiot." His voice cracked then. I looked at him shocked.

"Robbie…" I started but I trailed off without an idea of what to say.

"Don't try to tell me that I shouldn't say things like that. I loved my brother but I can't forgive him…not yet." His words were biting and dark but he had a small smile on his face when I glanced at him again. "I love him so much, you know. And it's hard to see someone you care about throw away their life for no reason."

I knew he was talking about me. What was it about me that people seemed to like? They all cared for me…but why? I was a massive bitch all the time. They were all just silly and too nice. Being too nice would destroy you in the end.

* * *

><p>"Stop the car!" I shouted.<p>

We had been driving around for three hours now, just chatting. I learned that Robbie had a baby sister but he wasn't sure if he was fully related to the little girl. Apparently she had bright red hair but Robbie loved her anyhow. I also learned that Rex was gone for good. His father got mad at Robbie and threw the puppet in the fireplace. Robbie had been devastated until his cousin, who he was actually really close to, pointed out that Rex would have to go some day anyway.

Robbie pulled over to the side of road, an expression of confusion and concern on his face. He looked out the window with me at the park. A few kids were playing on the jungle gym but my eye was on the swing set. I don't know why but I always enjoyed swings.

"Come on!" I flew out the door and ran to the swings, grabbing the nearest one. After a few moments of confusion, Robbie was right there with me. He gave me a great push before pulling up a swing for himself.

"You are crazy, Jade." He laughed as we pumped our legs, trying to get higher than one another.

"I'm not the one who spent years with his hand shoved up a midget's ass!" I joked and we both started laughing hysterically.  
>This was nice…<p>

After the last two days I had, I was tired as hell but I needed this, even if it were with Robbie Shapiro. And I guess somewhere I had a sort of fondness for the boy because even through all the cruelty that I sent his way, retaliation wasn't something he was fond of and he was obviously a kind boy to me even so. I marveled at his personality…though quirky I was rather drawn to it.

"What?" He asked, sticking his feet down to slow his swing, as he looked at me curiously. I just realized that I had been watching him almost blankly. I felt my face blush as I shook my head and started pumping my legs again. After a minute he joined me, laughing as if something funny had been said. He could be such a child…

"Ready to go?" I asked finally, jumping from the swing. I landed on my feet but tumbled forward, smacking my head on the ground. I groaned and rolled over, clutching my head. I wasn't bleeding but it did hurt like hell.

Suddenly Robbie was there hauling me to my feet, smiling. I couldn't help but smile back. He grabbed my chin and I felt my face flush. He started leaning in and my mind panicked. "You're going to have a nasty bump." He commented, looking at my forehead intently. "Does it hurt?"

"Um…no." I stammered and stepped back from him. He shot me an odd look but I was already moving back towards his truck. "Let's go…I'm hungry.

* * *

><p>It was actually a kind of nice place. It was a small outdoor café…the kind that had umbrellas out even when there was no chance of rain or even a sun in the sky. A woman wearing white and a black tie walked up to us and the first thing that crossed my mind was another aggravating girl. This girl was no less irritating with her preppy attitude, long brown hair and matching eyes. She even shot me a sour look when my phone rang. At some point in the ride over, I must have sat on it and turned the ringer back on.<p>

"I'll take the soup. Jade?" Robbie asked, glancing at me with a smile.

"Chicken pot pie." I said bluntly and the girl shot me a glare before stalking off. I just stuck my tongue out after her.

"You know, they say you can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat their waitress." Robbie said, checking his silver wear to see if was clean. Why did he bother? I had seen him drop his sandwich on the floor one and then pick it back up to finish eating it.

"We already know I'm a bitch." I said, exasperatedly.

Robbie rolled his eyes at me and laughed. Then he reached out and took my hand in his. Our fingers rested against one another in the center of the table. "I don't think you're a bitch, just hurt and scared."

I yanked my hand from his as if I was burned. "I am not SCARED of shit!" I yelped and a few people turned to see what the commotion was. I gave a woman at an adjacent table the finger and she huffed out of the restaurant.

"Calm down, Jade. You're going to get us kicked out." He whispered and I took a great big, calming breath. I was losing it again. Just that girl with her strange resemblance to Tori, made my blood boil.

"Sorry." I mumbled, picking at a spot of food stuck to my cloth napkin. I didn't want to meet his eyes now. Each and every time I messed up I hated meeting the other's person eyes afterwards because then I felt like I was naked in front of them…they could see everything that I was.

"It's-." He trailed off, looking over my shoulder. I felt my skin prickle… "Hey Tori!" Robbie called out, waving wildly at someone behind me. I tensed up as I heard the footsteps approached…and then there she was in my line of vision, watching me rather peculiarly.

"Hey, Robbie…Jade." She said my name with a strained tone as if it was hard to say. I wanted to reply but I adverted my eyes and stared at my knife instead. Robbie caught me looking at it and he carefully caught my eye to nod his head with disagreement…or was it disappointment? Just because I liked sharp things didn't mean I was going to slit my wrist or Tori's throat open right there at the table. At least he now knew what was up with me besides all the other shit in my life.

"Can we talk?" Tori asked, placing a hand on my shoulder. I shrugged her off immediately as if her touch had burned me. She frowned. "Jade…" Her tone was pleading.

"No." I snapped. "If you weren't stupid you'd see that I was here with Robbie."

"Like on a date?" She gaped, her eyes flickering between us.

"Of course-." Robbie started to disagree.

"We are!" I smiled and finished. Robbie stared at me with disbelief. Tori would have noticed but she was staring at me as well. "Why else would we be here together?"

"But you hate Robbie." Tori said, her tone harsh and I was Robbie flinch. Wow…that was really bitchy of her.

I stood at that point, knocking my chair aside and I strode around the table. I grabbed Robbie by his shirt and pressed my lips to his. I heard Tori gasp behind me and I felt Robbie start to kiss me back. I smiled faintly as I heard footsteps stomping off.

When we broke apart, Robbie looked furious. "Don't EVER use me again, Jade. I don't care what shit is going on in your life." His tone was cold...and he swore! I really pissed him off. He looked at me awkwardly now. "Um…do you really hate me?"

I smirked then. "I guess not."


	5. Running Away

**A/N - **Kind of a filler chapter...sorry, guys. Still worth reading though b/c it is important to the flow of the rest of the story.  
>Disclaimer: I don't own this show!<p>

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><p>Robbie pulled down a side street, chattering aimlessly about how he was convinced that Cat had a crush on him. Any girl who even touched his shoulder was suddenly labeled as having a crush on him. I was only lucky that Robbie realized that I had only been using him. He knew me too long to think that I would ever develop a crush on him.<p>

"Here we are." Robbie announced, hopping out of the car and throwing his hands wide. He had pulled up to a small, gray house with blue shutters and a small red Volkswagen bug parked in the driveway. I caught a small red head peeking down at us from the upstairs window. "Casa de Robbie!"

I smirked at him and climbed out next to him. Suddenly he grabbed my hand and dragged me up the walk. The little girl was still looking down at us so I smiled up at her…then she was gone, ducking down behind the window.

When he opened the door I didn't expect what I saw. His house was so…normal looking. It was thus so that it could almost be called _boring_. This was Robbie Shapiro we were talking about. I expect something odd like maybe _more_ dummies or circus folk…maybe? That was a little far-fetched I'll admit.

"Rowbbie's home!" I hear a little girl's voice call. The toddler was struggling down the stairs, smiling a huge gap-toothed grin at both of us. She ran forward, tossing her arms around her older brother and I smiled at the sweetness they shared. Yet I could see where Robbie thought that maybe the little girl was only his half-sister.

"Hey, Robbie. Who's this young lady?" His mom said as she came in the room followed by a large muscular man who I assumed was Robbie's dad. What was this? A fucking family reunion? I felt awkward under the combined curiosity of all their gazes.

"This is a friend of mine from Hollywood Arts, Jade. Can she stay for dinner?" Robbie introduced me and I suddenly wanted to get some scissors and snip at my hair. It helped my nerves…don't judge me.

His mom's face fell for a moment but it was so slight that I thought I might have imagined it. "Sure, Robbie but the food won't be done for another ten minutes at least."

"Okay, in that case, I'm going to show Jade my comic collection." I flinched…I hated comics. A bunch of men running around in tights wasn't as nearly pleasing as one would imagine…I found myself rather disappointed the first time I got a comic book but I said nothing.

"Robbie…" His father said warningly.

"Dad…she has a girlfriend. I won't be touching her." Robbie said with his tone exasperated. I shot him an odd look. I had no girlfriend but I guess his dad was iffy about him hanging around chicks.

"Uh…okay." His dad said, looking at me with an unreadable expression.

"Come on, Jade." Robbie said, placing his hands on my shoulders and steering me upstairs.

* * *

><p>"This is my Aquaman first edition collector's comic. My dad got it in Tampa when he had a business meeting-." I was exactly to him chattering aimlessly. I was sitting on his bed, cradling my phone in my hands watching the caller id blink at me like a deranged strobe light. Within the last half an hour alone I had gotten thirteen missed calls, four voicemails and six text messages. All from a number that I recognized…Tori Vega's. How did she get the number to my dad's cell phone? Most likely she got it from my mom.<p>

I hadn't realized that Robbie stopped showing me his books until he sat down next to me. "Jade…" He said and I looked up at him. "Come on…you need to fix whatever is going on between you and Tori."

"No…I don't."

"So what are you going to do? Go through the rest of high school avoiding her by kissing me forcibly?" He asked, his tone a bit harsh…he still hadn't fully forgave me for _using_ him.

"I wouldn't mind that." I said faintly, leaning back on his bed and staring up at his ceiling fan. A small paper plane was tied to it and as the fan spun, the little plane zipped around and around in circle….cute.

"Jade." Robbie said, his voice a warning.

"What?"

" Just stop." He said referring to the fact that I was saying I wouldn't mind dating him.

"Why? What if I really did have feelings for you?" I asked blatancy, leaning up to glance at him.

"I'd tell you that your feelings were wrong because I will not be a substitute for Tori. Sorry." He said, his tone almost hurt. I said before that he knew me too well to think I'd develop a crush on him…that didn't mean that he didn't develop a crush on me. Or maybe it was just because I was a girl in his room…but he gave me an almost lusty look at those last few words...as if he wanted me but knew he would never have me.

"Would you really object?" I purred leaning in closer as he blanched.

Okay I know what you are thinking…what the fuck are you doing, Jade? Well, I don't know. As my phone vibrated again I flinched. I wanted to forget and all day that was what Robbie was helping me to do but it wasn't enough…I needed more.

"Jade…I don't think this is a good idea…" His voice trailed off as I cupped his chin and ran my lips across his throat and his eyes fluttered shut. I kissed his cheek and nibbled lightly on his ear. He seemed paralyzed except for his heavy, chest-heaving breaths.

"Robbie…just…" I paused at a loss for words. What the fuck was I doing? At that point I just jumped up and ran out. I felt sick to my stomach. I did a lot of stupid shit and this had to be the worst.

I was like those bitches at school that I scoffed at for crap like this and I just like them now. I was sure that I would never be able to look Robbie in the eye again. These past days all I was being was whiny, annoying, selfish and self-deprecating. Maybe Robbie was right…I needed to talk to Tori…and my mom before this all got any worse.

* * *

><p>After I left Robbie's I ran home…I just fucking sprinted down the street without even a second thought. But remember…I hate running. But I didn't care. As I was running though my mind flashed to those cheesy scenes in movies where the person is running slow motion through the streets towards their loved one…don't mind me over here vomiting at the revolting thoughts going through my head.<p>

I paused at the end of my driveway before I trudged up to the door. I was fumbling with the key now, trying to fit in the lock. Someone heard my struggle and the door swung open. I paused, gaping at who was standing there. I was expecting my dad….or maybe my mom. Heck, I wouldn't have been surprised if I saw Tori. This man though was unexpected beyond anything.

He held the door open wider and I stepped in. There was no sign that anyone else was here and I shot him a look but he was looking elsewhere. Then I turned to see none other than little Ms. Vega coming out of the kitchen. She paused, looking at me wearily. A moment later my mom came out behind her and looked at me as well.

It was like walking in on an intervention. Tori's dad steered me to the couch and my mom along with Tori sat on the opposite couch. Yeah, my living room has two couches…not a big deal. Tori met my eye as I sat down.

"Jade…we need to talk." My mom said that but I still locking eyes with Tori. I finally broke the contact and looked at my mom's strained expression. "You have issues going on with me and with Tori."

"Yeah, we know you are in love with her." Tori's dad added and I felt my face turn hot red. I glanced up at Tori who looked as shocked as I did. Both of our parents seemed perfectly calm. Like what the fuck? Last I checked lesbians were frowned upon right? Why were they being so cool about all this? And why did they fucking care?'

"How do you know?" Was the question I asked finally. Why I asked that one I wasn't sure. I had a million ones that were much more pressing.

"The way you look at her…plus I saw you two kissing on the side of the road." Mr. Vega offered, a sly smile on his lips. So he did see us? I felt my face flush as I glanced at my mom…her expression was unreadable but I could tell she heard all this already.

"Is that true, Jade?" Tori asked finally, her voice sounding small.

"I guess…" I said, rubbing the back of my neck. I didn't know what to say.

"Don't forget, Jade there is still the matter of you coming to live with me." My mom cut in.

"Alright." I said.

"What?" She asked.

"I'll come and live with you." I replied shallowly. This was one split-second decision that was actually good. I mean I had my reasons for not wanting to live with my mom but those didn't seem to matter anymore. I would have a better life with her anyway. Plus, I just didn't want to have to deal with it later.

"That's great!" My mom breathed before disappearing upstairs…probably to start packing my stuff.

"Don't think that means I forgive her." I muttered, crossing my arms across my chest as glaring at the floor.

"Why didn't you want to go in the first place?" Tori asked.

"Well, I didn't want to leave Hollywood-."

"Actually your mom has an apartment on the south side of town." Tori's dad cut in. That was really great news.

"Oh…" I said, pleasantly surprised. " But also I was mad at all the years she just left me here. …I was just being petty."

"I know what that is like." I heard Tori grumble. I looked up at her…we still have the matter of _us._ And it was not something I was ready to face but with encouraging glances from her dad…I know it was now or never.

"I'm sorry." I said to her and she looked at me. This was not the first time I apologized to Tori but my last one ended up with me smacking her. I gritted my teeth at the memory.

"So where does that leave us?" Tori asked, glancing at her hands.

"I really don't know."

And I really didn't know…


	6. Smutty smut

**A/N –** WARNING: SMUT! This is rated M for a reason. This chapter is the one with all the smex! I am such a tease. XD. R&R please!  
>Disclaimer: I own nothing….D:<p>

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><p>Tori's dad was gone as well, making an excuse to go help my mom pack my bags. Once again he was trying to play matchmaker. It was rather annoying at this point. And he owed me some answers. I mean, what the hell? He was really vested in this and he acted like it was perfectly normal to try to hook his daughter up with another chick.<p>

"Your dad's a freak." I muttered, stretching out across the couch but Vega said nothing. She was still staring at her hands. I sat up again and leaned over, taking her hand. "What are we going to do?"

"Kiss and make up?" She said hopefully, a smile crossing her lips for the first time in a while.

"Don't you mean make-out?" I smirked at her and for a moment everything seemed all right. "I'm scared, Tori."

"And you think I'm not freaked out by all of this?" She practically shouted. "I never had feelings for a girl before! When I started hanging out with you and Beck I thought my crush was on Beck but it wasn't long before I realized it was his girlfriend! I didn't even know I was gay…"

"Well, you may be bisexual." I offered her a patronizing smile. This was just as awkward for me. "I wish this was easier. I wish we could just kiss and make-up."

"We could." Tori said suddenly. The same thought was in her mind as was in mine.

I think we came to a compromise. We would stop worrying and just start dating. It didn't matter if we were straight or gay or confused or whatever. If we just forget about all of that and just started going out, everything would hopefully just fall into place.

At least that was what I got from Tori moving to my couch and kissing me full on the lips. Why did she keep taking the lead? I was the confident, powerful one…if anything I was the man in the relationship. This was a relationship right?

I banished those thoughts from my head as we continued to kiss, our tongues fighting for dominance. It was just as good as the first time we kissed but now as her fingers tangled in my hair, I realized it was so much better.

"I see you two made up." We broke apart as our parents returned from upstairs: Tori's dad and my mom. They both sported boxes and my mom was carrying my bag as well.

"Um…Mr. Vega, can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot." He said, setting his box on a small side table.

"What was the deal with all this trying to get up together. Why do you care? And doesn't it bother you that we are gay?"

"No…it doesn't." He sighed sadly and shook his head. "You see in high school I knew this boy. Great, I must say but we fought like you two did and we had a great falling out. I was in love with him." He looked at Tori's horrified expression. "Don't get me wrong, Tori, I love your mom but I still regret what happened between Tyler and me. I don't want that to happen to you two."

As soon as he finished his story, he grabbed the box and started heading towards the door. Tori's face was almost humorous but her dad seemed to hardly think anything was up. "Hey, Tori I am leaving the keys to the car on the hook here. Jade's mom is going to drop me off at home and go to the apartment. You two can hang out here a bit and drive the car home." He gave us a small wink and both the adult left.

I glanced at Tori. "Our parent's are freaks." I said. "Your dad used to be gay…my mom has always been a sex-obsessed hippy. She was never at Woodstock but it was as if she never left."

"I agree." Tori said softly, smiling at me.

* * *

><p>We were up in my bedroom now, kissing on the bed. I already knew where this was heading and I honestly had no objections. Her fingers rested as my hips as I brushed an eager hand through her hair. She smirked at me and buried her face in my neck, planting a few stray kisses there.<p>

Her hands were under my shirt now, rubbing the soft skin of my back and I moved my hands to her stomach. Then my fingers were on her breasts, pinching her nipples ever so slightly. She moaned slightly and bucked against me and I smiled faintly. I moved my hands up and over her shoulders, taking her shirt off her. I looked at her light pink, lacy bra and laughed.

I tried to unhook her bra but even though I wore one myself, I couldn't seem to get the clasp right but Tori was sweet enough to help me out though it meant that she had to pause from where she was rubbing my lower back. She was beautiful under that bra and I was quick to start sucking and rubbing her perky breasts. She moaned in time to my movements.

My shirt lay next to her on the floor. We were pressed half-nude against one another. We were just kissing now, running our hands over each other's bodies. She was fierce as she straddled my waist and pinched at my nipples. I enjoyed being dominated, I realized. That was cause for me to get angry but I didn't. I just smirked and kissed harder.

Then her hands went a bit too low and her fingers brushed my thigh. Even through the jeans I felt a flash of warmth. I wanted her now…

I gently pushed her off me and stood, wriggling out of my pants. She watched with wonder. I don't she realized how far this was going but she didn't protest when I crawled on top of wearing nothing but my light grey thong.

"Are you sure, Jade?" Tori asked, her voice shaking.

"Yes…are you?" She nodded, fear in her eyes. "Are you a virgin, Tori?"

"Um…maybe a little." I smirked.

"Well, just follow my lead," I said, confidence brimming inside me as I took her hand and placed it on the front of my crouch. When I let her hand go, she took to rubbing my crouch making me moan. I wriggled closer, wanting to feel her fingers penetrate me.

Finally she hooked her fingers in the side of my panties a slid them off me. She stared at me a minute, her face unreadable. Her fingers were resting on my thighs and I could see that she was contemplating her next course of action. I wanted to urge her on but that might scare her off.

The only reason I was so comfortable with what was happening was because I had been with Beck before…I wasn't a virgin. I had never been with a girl before though.

Finally she reached out and squeezed my clit and started rubbing it. When I started bucking and moaning, my eyes squeezed shut, she started going faster. Then I felt a tentative finger enter me and I moaned exceedingly loud. A moan escaped my lips.

I wasn't prepared for what happened next. I felt something moist and warm touch my clit. I opened an eye and saw Tori bent low, her tongue running around my lips. I moaned and tried to contain myself as I felt her tongue enter me.

"Tori." I hissed low as I felt I reaching my peak. She started going faster. This felt better than anything I did with Beck. This just felt…right.

My whole body shook as I reached orgasm. Tori extracted herself from my legs, a small smile on her face. "I liked that." She said slowly.

"I did too," I winked. Then I grabbed her and flipped her under me. I had her out of her pants in a moment and started rubbing her. "My turn." I hissed.

* * *

><p>We both lay in my bed ignoring the fact that it was now dark outside and we needed to be going. It was just so comfortable to sit here, wrapped in one another's arms. Tori lay against me, her lips kissing the back of neck constantly. We had just talked for a while but now we were fighting to stay away.<p>

"JADE!" The voice screamed, deep and throaty. It was my dad. I wasn't sure where he had been these past few days but he was back now. My breath caught in my throat as Tori and I exchanged a glance. "JADE!"

"We've got to go…now." I said to Tori who was already up and pulling on her clothes. I listened at the door for a moment, listening to the footsteps downstairs. He wasn't stomping upstairs just yet.

"How are we going to get out of here?" Tori asked, passing me my bra with a worried expression on her face.

"The window."

"The window? We are on the second floor!" She hissed, pulling her jeans on and buttoning them. She was dressed now and I just needed to pull on my shirt.

"Just trust me, Vega…we do not want to risk passing through the house."

"But the car keys!" She said suddenly, her eyes wide.

"One step ahead of you." I smirked, dangling the keys in front of her. "I grabbed them before we came up." She gave me a confused look but I didn't explain. I was already throwing the window open and stepping out onto the small, sloped roof.

Tori followed, her face pulled into a grimace. I remember the time she was hired as a stunt double and was too afraid to jump. I had pushed her in the end…that was a good time. I smiled now and instead of sending Tori to her death, I took her hand and led her to the old oak tree.

"Cross that thick branch." I encouraged her, hoisting her up onto the branch.

Once we were both up it was easy…the tree grew like stairs and as long as you kept your balance it was an easy climb back down. Tori seemed grateful to be on the ground again as we crossed the yard to the front where her car was. At least my dad didn't seem to think the car suspicious…he might have demolished it or hit it with eggs or something.

We climbed in, laughing now that we were out. Tori seemed to sigh in relief and I smirked at her. Now we just needed to go home. "I love you." I mumbled, dropping my head back as Tori started the engine. She looked at me surprised but I just closed my eyes. I need a nap.

"I love you too." That was the last thing I heard, as I fell asleep, comfortable and safe and ready to start my new life alongside Tori and my mom.

Things were looking up for once.

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><p><strong>AN **– And they all lived happily ever after…the end. Okay, kids, now off to bed. Just kidding. Another chapter will be coming your way!


	7. Hedges

**A/N - **Sorry this was REALLY late. R&R please!  
>Disclaimer: Don't you know the drill by now?<p>

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><p>Who knew my dad cared so much about me?<p>

I mean, he always treated me like complete and utter shit. But if that were true why was he searching so hard for me? The police showed up looking for me at the new apartment. They were irritated that my mom just took me but she _did_ have the correct papers…she just didn't show them to dad.

I didn't really care though, you know? I was happier now. I had no fear of that bastard coming home drunk to beat me every night, and I could, finally, cross the living room without some scathing, off-handed remark. My mom was rather nice considering I didn't have the heart to forgive her yet.

She really did care for me though it was hard to believe after she abandoned me for so long—I went through three years of complete and utter shit and she had the gall, the nerve to act as though coming back was the best thing she could have done for me.

"You've got school tomorrow, Jade." My mom said looking over her magazine and watching me poke at my eggs suspiciously…two words: undercooked eggs. I said nothing though and nodded as I forced a bite into my mouth. Her eyes smiled as they disappeared back behind the pages to read about that new shirt that some celebrity wore to the supermarket.

"Can I go to the mall with Tori? I need a few new outfits." I asked, slowly. I was hoping the answer was yes…I didn't like the idea of spending another day trapped in the apartment, kept from my girlfriend. I had been unpacking the past few days and now I was feeling like a trapped bird.

"Of course. You can borrow my credit card. Remember that there is a hundred dollar limit unless you plan to pay me back." It was something she had instituted even before she left. She'd let me use the card as long as I stayed under the limit and I was happy to oblige. "But first I'd like you to cut the hedges."

"The hedges? This is a goddamn apartment! They aren't _our_ hedges!" I snapped, my fork clattering to the table.

"Watch your tongue, young lady." She warned. "And everyone in this building does their part to keep everything on the grounds looking good. Do it or you won't be going out."

"You can't stop me." I replied. I hated when adults thought they could just push you around because you were older. And sure enough she pulled out the age card.

"Yes, I can."

"Try then." I said, defiantly and moving to pull on my coat. "Just because you came back into my life doesn't mean I have to be happy about it." With that I yanked open the door and stepped out into the cool morning.

"Jade!" I heard her shout after me as I pushed out the door and onto the street.

I just kept walking to where I could catch the bus downtown to the mall.

I said I was happier with my mom, that didn't mean that I didn't still fight with her like daughters and mothers always fight.

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><p>"Jade, listen to yourself here." Tori said, giving me that look she always shot my way when she was disappointed in me. I felt my face fall but I hid it with an exasperated groan. "You are mad at your mom for something that happened three years ago…shouldn't it just matter that she came back?"<p>

"You don't get it, Tori. It's the principle of the matter! She can't just leave for three years and expect to just boss me around." I said, throwing my arms up dramatically—something I had a strange habit of doing…I might change that. A few mall-rats wearing pink mini-skirts and heels gave me a glaring look. I shot them a sneer and they hurried along.

"But isn't that a parent's job?" Perfect Tori Vega countered. She had a point but she was always the reasonable arguer. Couldn't she just not know what the hell she was talking about.

"This coming from Ms. Goody-two-shoes." I replied, rolling my eyes and walking up to a pretzel stand. "Two salted pretzels." I told the gruff man behind the counter.

"I am not-." She started, a touch of hurt in her voice.

"Drop it, Tori. I was just teasing." I pause, passing the man my card. "I don't want to fight."

"What if I do?" She said, squaring her shoulders and giving me a challenging glare. I almost laughed.

"Come off it, Tori. I know you hate fighting." I smirked and gave her a small punch in the arm. She took a step back with a dangerous look but it quickly turned into a smile.

"But…I…and…" She chuntered aimlessly as if she was trying to think of an argument but only spewing pieces of one, creating a disjointed mass of speech.

"Don't worry that pretty little head of yours." I smirked, leaning over and giving her a small hug. "And just give Jade a kiss."

The pretzel guy eyed us ominously as I took the treats from him, handing one to Tori. This was expected I guess but it was just weird to see the harsh looks out of the corner of my eye. It didn't bother me though…I was Jade West.  
>"Okay, I'll behave around my mom."<p>

"That is all I ask." She said, giving me a small nuzzling peck in my hair.

* * *

><p>"Thanks, love." I called as I walked up the walk to my apartment. Tori waved back and disappeared down the street. I smiled after her a moment before I walked up to the front door. I was about to put in my key in the lock when I noticed the hedge clippers on the porch. I sighed and picked them.<p>

I fucking hated manual labor. I wished Tori were there so that I could _convince_ her to do it for me. But then she would give me some cookie-cutter lesson about how I needed to do my own work or some bullshit like that—something out of a show for third-graders, you know?

It was about another hour before I got back inside. I walked over to the coat rack and hung up my coat. "You're home late." My mother said, standing in the doorway her arms crossed.

"You never told me when to be home!" I gaped at her.

"Well, when you were younger what time did you have to be home?" She asked, threatening me to argue.

"7:30." I intoned. "That was three years ago…surely now I can stay out later!"

"Not on my watch." She scoffed. "Now go to your room, young lady."

"I'm-." I paused and took a deep breath. This fight wasn't worth it. "Okay, okay, you win." I pulled the dirty clippers that I had tucked in my coat pocket and dropped it in the middle of the rug. Bits of leaves and dirt fell on the blue thread.

"Oh." She said, slowly and her eyes rose to meet mine. "Sorry."

"Yeah whatever." I hissed, stomping past her. I paused and looked at her sadly a moment. I then, quickly, leaned in and gave her a peck on the cheek. "I love you." With that last note I swept upstairs, my head throbbing.

As I tossed down onto the bed, I realized that for once I really meant those words to her. I couldn't help but smile faintly.


	8. Drama

**A/N - **I really wanted to continue this but I have a great idea for HP fic so I am just going to end this one. Plus, I am kind of running out of ideas for this. Please forgive me. I might come back to this someday but I really doubt it. Thanks for everyone who has read. Now please enjoy! R&R please! :)  
>Disclaimer: I do not own.<p>

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><p>The next day was what I dreaded…probably even more than my birthday. It was the first day of school again and I always hated that day. Especially since I was going into the new year not only without a boyfriend but with the addition of a girlfriend! The knot in my stomach twisted menacingly.<p>

"Cool it, Jade. You look paler than a baby hippo." I glanced at her sideways. What the fuck kind of analogy was that? I didn't say anything around the lump in my throat though.

We were sitting together on the bus. Next to us was Alex Delaney who I was grateful finally fell asleep. For a time he had been watching Tori and sitting close and holding hands. I wanted to say something but Tori gave my hand a squeeze, warning me to keep my cool.

"I just don't want to be here. I want to come back tomorrow when it isn't the first day of school." I grumbled.

"Well, then it would be even odder because people would be wondering where you were the first day." Tori replied, the always-sensible one. I sighed and closed my eyes, silently agreeing with her.

Finally we were off the stuffy bus and as I hoisted my backpack over my shoulder, I felt the knot return. Tori's hand was on my shoulder and I smiled at her faintly. She steered me into the building. We earned a few looks since I wasn't killing Tori for being within ten feet of me, let alone touching me.

I spotted Robbie who caught my eye and gave me a faint wave. His face didn't smile but his eyes seemed kind. I smiled faintly at him, afraid to wave lest Tori saw. At least he seemed not to hold any grudge towards me. His niceness made the knot in my stomach loosen a bit.

"Tori…do you think we could tone down the couple stuff a bit? Just ease people into it a bit." I offered quietly as she ushered me into homeroom, drawing a few eyes. No one heard my pleading sentiment though.

"Why?" She said, innocently.

I Just didn't want people to know yet. Being here…being here with Tori, was like being naked and under a magnifying glass for all to see. You see, I was tough-as-nails Jade West but I still hated scrutiny.

"Because I don't think I'm ready to…come out yet." I said so low that even Tori had to strain to hear.

"What? No?" Her voice a hiss. "Are you ashamed of me?" She said louder and we earned a few choice looks from our fellow classmates. I smiled at them weakly and shrugged as if I wasn't sure what they were talking about.

"No, of course not…I'm just not ready. You can understand that right?" I said, my apprehension rising at her expression.

"Just forget it then, Jade." With that she was gone and I left sitting there. I would have gone after her but something kept me rooted to the spot. Maybe it was all the eyes looking and tethering me to my chair or maybe rather it was something else…

* * *

><p>I sat through Sikowits class without much going on. I got a few strange looks from Andre across the room but I ignored him. I would have to face him eventually. It was funny that I was sitting next to Beck but my worries were on Andre. God, this was all one big mess.<p>

Tori didn't even show for class and the knot was returning. Where was she? I wanted her here so I could apologize and kiss her and not cared who looked. I was being an idiot, I'll admit it now. I bit my lip as I eyed the clock.

Finally the bell rang and I ran out. I was searching for Tori everywhere. I grabbed a few stray kids in the hall—one being a very confused Cat who had died her hair bright blue over the summer—and shook them until they told me where they last saw Tori. A few ran away from me crying but otherwise I got generally good directions.

Finally I saw her across the hall, at her locker no less. I had passed there about seven times but she was finally there, grabbing her books out to rush to her next class. She glanced around, not noticing me. I was glad. If she had seen me, she likely would have bolted.

I started towards her when I heard the loudspeaker admit a loud amount of static. "Jade West to the office." I grimaced, turned on my heel and marched to the office.

I walked in to the see the guidance counselor eyeing my father with a cautious eye. What was he doing here? I gritted my teeth as he turned to eye me menacingly.

"Jade, your father wanted to speak with you." He said, his voice strained as if it was against his better judgment.

"Jade…please come home." He pleaded, looking at me with a tortured sadness. I frowned and looked him over. He was wearing a suit but he tie was skewed and his eyes were red. He came here high?

"I am home…with mom." I said defiantly, meeting his eyes and threatening him to say otherwise…to deny me my right to live where I wanted because Lane was right there and he couldn't touch me.

"No, I mean your real home away from that wicked bitch." He snapped, his face turning red.

"Don't call her that." I snapped, clenching my fist.

"It's true-." He started but I didn't let him finished.

"YOU ARE AN ABUSIVE ASSHOLE AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO COME HERE AND INSULT MY MOM? I WILL NEVER, I REPEAT NEVER, LIVE WITH YOU AGAIN. UNTIL YOU GET YOUR SHIT WORKED OUT…I DON'T EVEN WANT TO SEE YOU!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Then I turned and left, calm even though I knew half the school had heard my outburst. I ignored the looks and whispering. I was in no mood for their teenage bullshit.

* * *

><p>I marched through the hall, people moving out of my way or being mowed down. I was heading straight for my next class where I would run into none other than Tori Vega, the perky brunette who usually sat behind me. I would throw bits of paper at her while she was taking notes.<p>

I spotted her through the open classroom door where Andre was suddenly there, blocking me. I debated shoving him out of the way but I hesitated and I merely bounced off his arm. He was giving me an unreadable look now.

"What?" I replied. He was the last person I wanted to see right now. I looked down at my hands. I was waiting for it…the laughter, the scorn something.

"I saw you." He said softly, his voice soft. "I didn't tell anyone you know. Not any of my business." He said with a smile, using his hands to talk like he usually did.

"W-what?" I mumbled but I don't think he even heard me.

"None of my business who you are kissing on the side of the room." He smiled and started to walk away. I was glued to the spot…confused. "Oh and Jade…good luck." I smirked at him before ducking nervously into the classroom.

I slid into the seat behind my beautiful brunette but as I leaned forward to tap her, the teacher came into the class and I leaned back, annoyed. It would have to wait then. "Hello, class." She said cheerfully as she handed us out scripts. I noticed it was a script written by Robbie Shapiro…his name was at the top. It was called "Perfect". I glanced over at the curly haired boy and he gave me a small thumbs up. What did he know that I didn't? "We will practicing this play written by our very own Robbie. Jade, you are Isabella. Tori, you are Magnus. Please come up and give us a quick run through of the scene." Ms. Patterson said cheerfully and with a smile as she moved to her desk to watch.

As I stood and moved to the stage with Tori, I caught Robbie's eye and he gave me a wink. I glanced at the script and started reading, avoiding looking at Tori. This was bad enough as it was. "I was wrong." I said almost breathlessly…it was exactly what I wanted to say.

"I know but I forgive you." Tori replied in the same tone. I looked up at her and she was looking at me with sadness and appreciation in her eyes. It was as if Robbie had scripted our future make-up conversation…maybe that was his attention.

"Why?" I paused, my voice wavering. "I keep messing up….screwing everything we have together up."  
>"Because I love you."<p>

"Because you are a fool." I scoffed, trying not to let my voice waver too much but a quick glance at Ms. Patterson showed she was loving it. "And I'm not much better."

"So what? At least we're fools together." Tori shoot me a half-hearted smile and took my hand in hers. I left my fingers tingle pleasurably.

"You're not really a fool, my love." I started but Tori had her own words to say.

"Isn't anyone in love a fool?" She asked, a really smirk pulling at her lips this time and her eyes crinkled at the thought. I almost wanted to laugh. Instead I glanced back at the paper and said my next line.

"Darling, you know the words you speak are silly. I am the fool. You are the perfect one. You are the beloved, my object of affection…my oh so perfect object." My words trailed off…maybe Robbie didn't script our entire conversation; this was cheesy as hell.

"And you are not perfect, my sweet?" Tori said the word sweet like a swear. At least she was hating this as much as I was.

"Not in the least. I am scum in the first compared to you. I don't deserve your love."

"That is a falsehood…a lie." She said softly, cupping my chin. "I don't care who you are as a person…as long as you love me as much as I love you." She murmured, getting closer to me.

"Do not patronize me, Magnus." I said, the name sounding foreign on my tongue. This felt just like a _cheesy_ regular conversation with Tori. Granted we would talk normally but the emotions were the same…this feeling of uncomfortable nausea.

"I don't, my dear." Her lips were inches from mine now and my lips tingled.

"But-." And then she was kissing me, her lips smashing hard into mine. My whole body was rigid with shock. I didn't think THAT was in the script but I went along with it, forgetting the audience…forgetting the paper that slipped out of my hands and landed on the floor. I just melted in the kiss, feeling her tongue run along my lower lip.

Then finally she pulled away, leaving me feeling cold and slightly shivering. The class was clapping now. Every face was one of shock, especially Beck. I felt Tori take my hand softly as we bowed. Even Ms. Patterson seemed impressed. Then we moved to our desks, our hands never letting go of one another.  
>"I guess you're out now." Tori smirked and I scowled at her. It didn't really matter…as long as she was with me. "I love you." She whispered.<p>

"Whatever," I grumbled, crossing my arms. I saw her expression and I felt mine soften.

"I love you too." I said softly. "I really do."

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><p><strong>AN - **The end...for real this time. XD R&R! Thanks for reading!


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